I like them scrambled with cheese and salsa

I've been thinking about being an adult - as in growing up and what that means. There are times, like when I'm driving to play hockey or taking the train to Toronto for a course, when I think "cool, I have a life that I've made all by myself, just like the big people". But choosing to be one of the big people full time seems a little scary ...

Based on age I've been an adult for a very long time, and I imagine to my kids and 'little' people I seem no different than the rest. So why do I still have this jelly stuff inside me? Why do I not always (or even often) know what to do? Or even how to do it when I think I know what? Most of everything I do is still guess work and gut work and blind fumbling to find my way.

A friend told me he was going to start being an adult (he's 49, same as me) and I asked what that meant. He said it was time to become financially reponsible. I said that sounded good (I'm a lot like Julia Roberts and the eggs in Runaway Bride about this adult thing). And I started thinking about making up a budget and figuring out my spending patterns and preparing an action plan from there to best utilize my resources in the present and plan for the future.

Later I was googling around and saw some pictures of people; injured and bloody people and crying women and men and dead of all ages in Lebannon and I thought that it might be more adult to spend my energy on figuring out what the resources I have could do to help these people and prevent this happening. Perhaps this is a time to be human and let my head listen to my heart.

This past Friday, a little north of here, two small planes collided and three people were killed. This happens of course ... we hear about people dying in accidents all the time right? Only this time it wasn't people, it was Dave. On Saturday morning I got the call and my little world shook. At one time a very close friend, one of my ex's best friends, he was in our wedding party, we all travelled and partied and spent every Christmas Eve and August long weekend together for years and years. Dave is (and I will keep that as 'is' because he still is in our memories) a warm, caring and lovely person who will be missed by a lot of people.

I feel like a 'big' person now. That financial stuff; it may be important but it ain't nothing compared to this.