Sidetracked

Last night I decided this morning was to be all about the garden and I was going to be very firm about it. Then when the morning I got sidetracked. I'm forgiving myself about the lack of willpower because it's been an amazing journey and not time wasted at all, but Erica and Mark's wedding is two weeks today and since I offered this place for the reception I do feel the need to get the gardens ready. First though I want to make some noise cause stuff is all going around in my head and I don't want to lose it without speaking it somewhere.

It all started with getting up to drive Morgan to work for 7 am. Got home and decided if I started working then I'd not last through the day so I made tea and went back to bed thinking I'd read a few pages then fall asleep for another hour. Opened the book I was saving for a morning read because it is too graphic for night time reading. Finished the book - Shopping Cart Soldiers by John Mulligan.

After the first few chapters of rough going there were glimmers, then streaks, then flash in the face recognition that the same battles within this Vietnam vet are being fought in me. It's all there, everything ... God, the devil, hate, fear, compassion, forgiveness, loneliness, self pity, hanging on to the past as an excuse for not living now, hiding, hiding, hiding ... fear, imagination, delusions of reality

This is not new; just a different frame of worlds and words of experience - which touched me and that always makes me cry. And crying is my guage of beauty - the beauty of my heart responding - means I'm not dead yet.

Here's a couple of quotes I couldn't pass by:
"Aye, that's right," Silverbright agrees. "Don't ever forget it. Anything goes in the Land of the Truly Alive! You'll find whatever you're lookin' for no matter where you're lookin' - as long as you've the eyes to see, Finn. That's the answer son, that's the answer!"

and
"Everything true and special is simple"

Now ain't that cool stuff to take to the garden?