"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddha
"If it is important to you you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."
Anonymous
My thoughts today: I am struggling with a responsibility I voluntarily undertook that is turning me into someone I do not want to be.
(Recently I watched a scene between Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau and Commissioner Dreyfuss on Youtube and thought GAK!! - I'm turning into Commissioner Dreyfuss
Alternatively I find myself singing Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
The ring of fire, the ring of fire
You might say I am allowing myself to get sucked into some weird vortex of darkness
None of this sounds like living gently... Sometimes Buddha just got it wrong (I think)
And I don't seem to be letting go gracefully cause I'm still in this...
And somehow I haven't found an excuse that will allow me to wake up in the morning without feeling I've not given it my best try... I know I know, we learn from failure and it is important to know when to fold the cards...
Sadly I am not there yet.
So off I go on this journey, limping, burning, confused, and tired..
Time to stop doing the same things over and over and expecting different results!! (quotes of the past 15 years mingle in my mind)
I have made a couple asks for help in different directions recently and now I have to trust that people are creative, resourceful and whole enough to say no if they are overwhelmed too because I realize my excuse for not asking is that I worry about things beyond my control and also because I didn't have the questions before.
Need to be specific on direction before the questions are specific enough for people to do anything other than be confused about what i'm asking...
Paradox city is where I reside
There you go folks... today's rant
Cheers
Jeanne
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